This morning when I first awoke I instinctively looked to the clock to see whether I was delinquent in some time related function when it hit me, you’re retired, really free from the tyranny of the alarm clock, schedules and deadlines. Except for the medical necessity of periodic reference to a glucometer to meter the ups and downs of my diabetes dominated blood sugar level I am really independent from the domination of deadlines.
For years I have lamented, quietly and at times not so quietly, about feeling purposeless and uninvolved, once again the perpetual malcontent who after being freed from the wheel of real threats and consequential anxieties. I have constructed a framework of concerns surrounding letters to the editor, whether the cats have eaten our offering or is it once again necessary to find another brand, and even more mundane concerns about chores, now elevated to real problems worthy of much concern and thoughtful recollection. Aside from a slight concern that this may be perceived as a mood swing worthy of consideration as a symptom of bipolarism, I am symbolically kicking myself in the butt and thanking myself for this realization.
My last writing (ramble really) now looks like I was trying for the T.S. Eliot prize for self-pity; now seems more of a lament for the death of self-importance. While it contains some valid verities, worthy of being integrated into my consciousness, my awareness of where I am, it is really part of why I should rejoice at being retired, beyond serious consequences should others take serious disagreement with my view of world affairs, the tax structure, the garbage collection schedule, or any of the myriad earthshaking events which daily compete for my attention. My mountains are once again becoming mole hills and I am thankful for that.
Apologies to my loving wife who tolerates my emotional roller coaster rides but hell, it keeps things interesting for her too, never being quite sure what kind of firestorm I’m apt to stir up today- perhaps none at all - but on the other hand ?
So to all you retirees who may read this one day - rejoice, your situation is really so much better than it used to be if you give it some quiet reflection. In other words- free at last, free at last, thank God almighty ! free at last.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
ONCE , yesterday
As time passes; we were once held in some regard,
no longer now, not so much as things forgotten,
We exchange hot letters through the editorial page
as if to assert a position entitled to attention
If anyone were listening-
Like opinions shouted across the back fence
at midnight-
A clearing of the throat,
an old habit, a refusal to recognize that our time has passed.
Insistence that we can still influence
Like blind men communication in sign language.
“you may talk of.... but none can compare with the
British, British,British, grenadier. “
It could not, in reality, be otherwise
time to move over, to one side,
time for others to assert their views,
Ignore or be influenced by our advice as
they see fit - but only to a point-
Like politely repeating the mispronunciation
of an elder in deference to his age,
but only that.
Now unnoticed, but still casting a shadow...
a bit at a loss to identify that point in time,
that point of transition when it ceased to matter.
no longer now, not so much as things forgotten,
We exchange hot letters through the editorial page
as if to assert a position entitled to attention
If anyone were listening-
Like opinions shouted across the back fence
at midnight-
A clearing of the throat,
an old habit, a refusal to recognize that our time has passed.
Insistence that we can still influence
Like blind men communication in sign language.
“you may talk of.... but none can compare with the
British, British,British, grenadier. “
It could not, in reality, be otherwise
time to move over, to one side,
time for others to assert their views,
Ignore or be influenced by our advice as
they see fit - but only to a point-
Like politely repeating the mispronunciation
of an elder in deference to his age,
but only that.
Now unnoticed, but still casting a shadow...
a bit at a loss to identify that point in time,
that point of transition when it ceased to matter.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Executive Compensation
One of the leading controversies on the Sunday TV talk shows was the appropriateness of the government imposing limits on the executive compensation packages of those corporations which have been bailed out with tax funds. A moment’s reflection on the fact that the taxpayer now stands in the place of the stockholder as the owner of these companies should be a sufficient justification for these limits.
Stockholders, as the owners of a corporation originally set the compensation of its officers and employees but over the years, the officers and boards of directors, through a series of strategies wrested control from the stockholders and, treating the companies as their own, set their own compensations without regard for the wishes of the true owners, the stockholders. Their view ? If you don’t like it sell you stock. A board room “coup de corps” !
When these corporations who now owe their very existence to the American taxpayer have repaid the government, they can go back to their former way of doing business if their stockholders permit. Till then, they can thank their stars that the government bailed them out and saved their bacon and be grateful that they still have a job rather than complain that they can no longer take home a paycheck in the millions.
Stockholders, as the owners of a corporation originally set the compensation of its officers and employees but over the years, the officers and boards of directors, through a series of strategies wrested control from the stockholders and, treating the companies as their own, set their own compensations without regard for the wishes of the true owners, the stockholders. Their view ? If you don’t like it sell you stock. A board room “coup de corps” !
When these corporations who now owe their very existence to the American taxpayer have repaid the government, they can go back to their former way of doing business if their stockholders permit. Till then, they can thank their stars that the government bailed them out and saved their bacon and be grateful that they still have a job rather than complain that they can no longer take home a paycheck in the millions.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Define A Republic
A recent letter by Jesse James apparently defining our government as other than a democracy, expressed enthusiasm for the study of civics, but omitted the importance of history in explaining government.
Two concerns of the drafters of the Constitution were the avoidance of a monarchy and unlimited rule by all of the people, which they characterized as “mobocracy.” Control was to be reserved for the “right people, ” those with money and property.
Madison defined a Republic as “...a government which derives all of its powers, directly or indirectly, from the great body of the people, and is administrated by persons holding their office during pleasure, for a limited period, or during good behavior.” In effect, a representative democracy rather than a direct democracy.
Originally, the Constitution provided indirect selection of Senators by the legislatures of the states . Unfortunately this led to the abuses disclosed by David Graham Phillips in his work ” The Treason of the Senate” published in 1902, which led to the passage of the 17th amendment in 1912, amending Article I. section 3 of the constitution and provided for Senators to be “...elected by the people.”
Initially, the view was that the Senate represented the original 13 sovereign states. This position became meaningless when former territories, which were never sovereign nor independent, were admitted to statehood. Vesting the selection in state legislatures initially was a stratagem to avoid “mobocracy,” that terrible concern that ordinary citizens would control government; placing contol of the Senate instead in the elite property class which then controlled state legislatures.
Mr. James’ disparagement of democracy is little more than a continuation of the “mobocracy” slander of some of the founding fathers and their attempt to vest some important aspects of government exclusively n the hands of a few elitists. The passage of the bill of rights was to foreclose some overlooked abuses of the English crown , not fear of a democratic majority.
The magic in our system is its democracy, and the restrains imposed on government at the instance of the people, not our “aristocratic forefathers” as Mr. James contends.
In sum, there was no essential virtue in avoiding democracy, only a desire to restrict certain critical functions for the Senate, which in turn was controlled by a privileged class, the propertied citizens and providing for the selection of Senators by state legislators. An amendment to the Constitution ended this abuse.
Two concerns of the drafters of the Constitution were the avoidance of a monarchy and unlimited rule by all of the people, which they characterized as “mobocracy.” Control was to be reserved for the “right people, ” those with money and property.
Madison defined a Republic as “...a government which derives all of its powers, directly or indirectly, from the great body of the people, and is administrated by persons holding their office during pleasure, for a limited period, or during good behavior.” In effect, a representative democracy rather than a direct democracy.
Originally, the Constitution provided indirect selection of Senators by the legislatures of the states . Unfortunately this led to the abuses disclosed by David Graham Phillips in his work ” The Treason of the Senate” published in 1902, which led to the passage of the 17th amendment in 1912, amending Article I. section 3 of the constitution and provided for Senators to be “...elected by the people.”
Initially, the view was that the Senate represented the original 13 sovereign states. This position became meaningless when former territories, which were never sovereign nor independent, were admitted to statehood. Vesting the selection in state legislatures initially was a stratagem to avoid “mobocracy,” that terrible concern that ordinary citizens would control government; placing contol of the Senate instead in the elite property class which then controlled state legislatures.
Mr. James’ disparagement of democracy is little more than a continuation of the “mobocracy” slander of some of the founding fathers and their attempt to vest some important aspects of government exclusively n the hands of a few elitists. The passage of the bill of rights was to foreclose some overlooked abuses of the English crown , not fear of a democratic majority.
The magic in our system is its democracy, and the restrains imposed on government at the instance of the people, not our “aristocratic forefathers” as Mr. James contends.
In sum, there was no essential virtue in avoiding democracy, only a desire to restrict certain critical functions for the Senate, which in turn was controlled by a privileged class, the propertied citizens and providing for the selection of Senators by state legislators. An amendment to the Constitution ended this abuse.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Simplistic Solutions to Complex Problems
In the current dialogues about where we go next in Afghanistan, concepts without clear definitions are frequently advanced about the problems and potential solutions for consideration. “Winning,” “victory,” “hearts and minds” and “the big picture” are much mentioned but rarely defined. Since the purpose, the object of the original mission has remained ill-defined and subject the subtle change, concepts advanced in support of an analysis are similarly vague and slightly out of focus.
Even the distinction between strategy and tactics is blurred, which takes precedence, and whose opinion is entitled to more weight is obscured in the discussion. Euphemisms advanced to define our objectives range from creating “a shining city on a hill” to achieving our minimum objectives for our own international security, or getting the hell out, compete for attention. From disagreement over troop numbers, to what kind of governance should we promote for Afghanistan are now “on the table.” Defeat the Taliban or prevent the return of al Quida ? Where does our concern for Afghanistan begin and our concern for our own security end ?
For a beginning, we should depoliticize the issues and reach an American position rather than a Republican, conservative or liberal position.
Making a choice based on an emotional preference or political advantage and then “cherry picking” facts to buttress such a choice can only lead to disaster.
Even the distinction between strategy and tactics is blurred, which takes precedence, and whose opinion is entitled to more weight is obscured in the discussion. Euphemisms advanced to define our objectives range from creating “a shining city on a hill” to achieving our minimum objectives for our own international security, or getting the hell out, compete for attention. From disagreement over troop numbers, to what kind of governance should we promote for Afghanistan are now “on the table.” Defeat the Taliban or prevent the return of al Quida ? Where does our concern for Afghanistan begin and our concern for our own security end ?
For a beginning, we should depoliticize the issues and reach an American position rather than a Republican, conservative or liberal position.
Making a choice based on an emotional preference or political advantage and then “cherry picking” facts to buttress such a choice can only lead to disaster.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Treading Water
I was reflecting on Hal’s use of the term “treading water,” to
describe his last several years in business in New York; on how
appropriate it was as a metaphor for standing still or going nowhere
and how totally appropriate it was as a description of how I’ve spent
the last 14 years since I retired from practice.
My life has reduced to walks around the block, doctor visits and an
eternity of watching the mind numbing trite offered as news and
entertainment on TV.
When we left Key West I was greatly relieved to be out from under the
terrible stress of the job I had held for my last 7 years in the Keys,
being criticized from every turn, in virtual continuous fear of being
fired, of losing my income and my self respect. Retirement day came as
a “mixed bag,” relief that the fight was over combined with a sense of
shame and loss that I had let it happen, leave quietly with my pension
rather than fight back. In truth I had lost all sense of confidence
and only wanted for the stress to be over, to get past the need for
bolstering psychoanalysis, mood-elevating drugs and large amounts of
sedative-providing Jack Daniels at sunset. To escape with my sanity
was enough, never mind the loss of face.
The practice of law had always been something of an emotional roller
coaster for me; momentarily buoyed by little victories but worn down
and fearful of the never ending competition, the necessity of
posturing and the consuming fear that I would overlook something,
screw up and fall flat on my face in plain view of the entire world.
So there I was at age 65, social security kicking in, minimum state
pension assured, my economic life jacket, acting as if I had secured a
desired prize when internally I felt as if I had escaped just before the
last curtain came down, free and clear but no pretense, by the skin of
my teeth.
For the greater part of my adult life I had to keep going like the
“little engine that could” because of obligations --- to others, the
kids, my sense of image, unwillingness to disappoint my father, one
bloody excuse or compelling necessity after the other, meanwhile dying a
little bit each day.
Refuge from time to time was in surrender to depression, that black
mood that seemed to swallow up everything but the sunlight, and at
times even obscure that. But always, the pull of obligation combined
with the patchwork and repair of timely therapy put me back in the rat
race where I had to fight and claw for my survival, all the while smiling
and radiating the false confidence that was deemed so necessary for success.
And now finally retired, how happy that word sounded at first, escape
with dignity and a whole skin. Ultimately; however, the joke was on me
as I came to realize that here there was little or nothing that one
could consider reward or relief.
Slowly, but inevitability, physical ailments began to gang up on me,
the magnets on the refrigerator door which usually proudly displayed
pictures of grandchildren now held a parade of medical appointment
cards, backed up by cryptic entries on the calendar over the sink.
Internist, cardiologist, podiatrist, dentist, nephrologist, and
oncologist.
This, and living in a community with little by way of real involvement
or diversion with choices like emersion in career veteranism at the
Legion or VFW, or perhaps wearing a pink shirt and pushing wheelchairs
around the hospital in a spirit of volunteerism . Others retreated into a
lifetime of hitting golf balls or participating in crackpot political
movements. For me, none of this had a moment’s breath of appeal.
At least I was done with self-deception.
So back to “treading water”, sharing my youngest son’s insight. My
recent attraction to Buddhism as a philosophy rather than a religion
was of substantial help. Unloading the weight of desires by coming to
understand “non-attachment,” letting go of the desire for things,
stuff, goodies was an immense relief. Fashion, good suits, new cars,
“more and better” began to fall away like excess pounds resulting from
a successful diet. An occasional failing; wanting a new jacket or a
pistol (toy really) only helped to reinforce the correctness of this
loss of materialism. In its place another Buddhist objective; “enlightenment”
began to influence my drive to reach a better understanding of my life, where
I had been and who I had been, and changing what I could and accepting what
I could not. Learning and understanding became a source of pleasure and
contentment, but only to a point. I still tripped over the small stuff, rankled by
petty issues however much I tried to keep them in perspective. Perhaps, on my
horizon, which by now was essentially bare, they loomed larger than they really
were but hell, I wasn’t trying for perfection, only a comfortable balance between
what is and what could be with less and less reference to what was and what
might have been.
Yet I saw in Hal’s reference to “treading water” and his offhand
comment about ….” not chasing the garbage truck because it started to rain” as
a resignation to hopelessness, an acceptance of defeat.
Not recognizing that his potential was still within reach and the
ability to achieve happiness within the parameters of his frame of
reference. In my view he had “cashed out” on his early success and abandoned
opportunities to compound his wins, unwilling to keep up the drive, to …” keep
chasing the garbage truck.” When he might have wound up reaching a comfortable
compromise, rather than treading water to keep up the illusion of a success almost
achieved.
So for both of us the search continues, knowing that no answers, none, are achieved
by treading water.
describe his last several years in business in New York; on how
appropriate it was as a metaphor for standing still or going nowhere
and how totally appropriate it was as a description of how I’ve spent
the last 14 years since I retired from practice.
My life has reduced to walks around the block, doctor visits and an
eternity of watching the mind numbing trite offered as news and
entertainment on TV.
When we left Key West I was greatly relieved to be out from under the
terrible stress of the job I had held for my last 7 years in the Keys,
being criticized from every turn, in virtual continuous fear of being
fired, of losing my income and my self respect. Retirement day came as
a “mixed bag,” relief that the fight was over combined with a sense of
shame and loss that I had let it happen, leave quietly with my pension
rather than fight back. In truth I had lost all sense of confidence
and only wanted for the stress to be over, to get past the need for
bolstering psychoanalysis, mood-elevating drugs and large amounts of
sedative-providing Jack Daniels at sunset. To escape with my sanity
was enough, never mind the loss of face.
The practice of law had always been something of an emotional roller
coaster for me; momentarily buoyed by little victories but worn down
and fearful of the never ending competition, the necessity of
posturing and the consuming fear that I would overlook something,
screw up and fall flat on my face in plain view of the entire world.
So there I was at age 65, social security kicking in, minimum state
pension assured, my economic life jacket, acting as if I had secured a
desired prize when internally I felt as if I had escaped just before the
last curtain came down, free and clear but no pretense, by the skin of
my teeth.
For the greater part of my adult life I had to keep going like the
“little engine that could” because of obligations --- to others, the
kids, my sense of image, unwillingness to disappoint my father, one
bloody excuse or compelling necessity after the other, meanwhile dying a
little bit each day.
Refuge from time to time was in surrender to depression, that black
mood that seemed to swallow up everything but the sunlight, and at
times even obscure that. But always, the pull of obligation combined
with the patchwork and repair of timely therapy put me back in the rat
race where I had to fight and claw for my survival, all the while smiling
and radiating the false confidence that was deemed so necessary for success.
And now finally retired, how happy that word sounded at first, escape
with dignity and a whole skin. Ultimately; however, the joke was on me
as I came to realize that here there was little or nothing that one
could consider reward or relief.
Slowly, but inevitability, physical ailments began to gang up on me,
the magnets on the refrigerator door which usually proudly displayed
pictures of grandchildren now held a parade of medical appointment
cards, backed up by cryptic entries on the calendar over the sink.
Internist, cardiologist, podiatrist, dentist, nephrologist, and
oncologist.
This, and living in a community with little by way of real involvement
or diversion with choices like emersion in career veteranism at the
Legion or VFW, or perhaps wearing a pink shirt and pushing wheelchairs
around the hospital in a spirit of volunteerism . Others retreated into a
lifetime of hitting golf balls or participating in crackpot political
movements. For me, none of this had a moment’s breath of appeal.
At least I was done with self-deception.
So back to “treading water”, sharing my youngest son’s insight. My
recent attraction to Buddhism as a philosophy rather than a religion
was of substantial help. Unloading the weight of desires by coming to
understand “non-attachment,” letting go of the desire for things,
stuff, goodies was an immense relief. Fashion, good suits, new cars,
“more and better” began to fall away like excess pounds resulting from
a successful diet. An occasional failing; wanting a new jacket or a
pistol (toy really) only helped to reinforce the correctness of this
loss of materialism. In its place another Buddhist objective; “enlightenment”
began to influence my drive to reach a better understanding of my life, where
I had been and who I had been, and changing what I could and accepting what
I could not. Learning and understanding became a source of pleasure and
contentment, but only to a point. I still tripped over the small stuff, rankled by
petty issues however much I tried to keep them in perspective. Perhaps, on my
horizon, which by now was essentially bare, they loomed larger than they really
were but hell, I wasn’t trying for perfection, only a comfortable balance between
what is and what could be with less and less reference to what was and what
might have been.
Yet I saw in Hal’s reference to “treading water” and his offhand
comment about ….” not chasing the garbage truck because it started to rain” as
a resignation to hopelessness, an acceptance of defeat.
Not recognizing that his potential was still within reach and the
ability to achieve happiness within the parameters of his frame of
reference. In my view he had “cashed out” on his early success and abandoned
opportunities to compound his wins, unwilling to keep up the drive, to …” keep
chasing the garbage truck.” When he might have wound up reaching a comfortable
compromise, rather than treading water to keep up the illusion of a success almost
achieved.
So for both of us the search continues, knowing that no answers, none, are achieved
by treading water.
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