IN THE ZONE

Whether it is merely coincidence or I am particularly sensitized to
issues of aging I’m not sure but of late I have noted that upon the
death of persons of consequence, in their late seventies or
eighties, the tone of reporting has a slightly different caste, an element of
“well, wasn’t it expected” or “they did lead such a good and
productive life.” What was missing was the tonal of loss or regret or
surprise at an event unexpected.

This, together with newly released statistics concerning life
expectancy and changes concerning longevity points up the fact that I
have thus far beaten the odds, exceeded the quota of time
statistically allotted and therefore a new view, a change in the
characterization of my expectations is appropriate. Innocent questions
concerning the resale value of my pistols or the possible
inappropriateness of considering trading for a new car come to mind,
like little nettles of reminders, - nothing so pointed as “for whom
the bell tolls” but never the less with an underlying reminder that,
after all, time does march on. Part of this new reality is re-enforced by one
of my doctors (after repairing a torn rotator cuff) advised to give up weight
training and other excerise with the sole exception of cardiovascular training.
Having used weight training and stressing machines most of my adult life this
required a further acceptance of the inevitability of aging and the requirements
which resulted. So, although my feet hurt due to diabetic problems, I still walk
one mile every morning for such benefit as I may derive , fully understanding that
I am never the less in decline.

Although I am sanguine and accepting with respect to my increasing frailties, for the
most part they are limited to things physical, limitations on mobility and endurance but
they have not yet impinged on my mental faculties and I still consider myself alert, quick
and well informed as well as being blessed with an extraordinary memory and recall as
well as a well-honed ability to communicate. To accept easily, the judgment of others
which are suggestive of proscribing my activities and range of interests I find unacceptable.

With heart disease, parkingson’s, diabetes, lukemenia and necessity of using a nebulizer
thrice daily I still have an ample reserve of vitality. Perhaps Dylan Thomas ‘s advise
to “.....rage, rage at the dying light...” was intended as an objection to the foreclosures of
activity, not to the final closure.

Although I am comfortable with the idea of my mortality and I think I
am substantially less weepy and cringing at the prospect of passing
than some in my acquaintance. I still find the climatic shift, the
recognition that I am now in the zone as somewhat disconcerting.

Buddhism has taught me serenity and pursuit of wisdom, the letting go
of desire for material things. My clear rejection of the religious
nonsense of after – life and born-again philosophies combine in my
view to give me a quiet, reverence for life absent a fear of
inevitable death . It’s just the final letting go.

My love is shared in many ways; for my wife who has stood by me with
fondness and concern through the years, who helped me heal and grow,
for my children and grandchildren who fill me with pride, for the few friends I have
known and loved, the small animals in my world with whom I share a
love and tenderness uncomplicated by levels of concern or interaction,
free of guile or suspicion. I have tried to leave a catalog of my life
and feelings, urging those whom I have loved to read so as to
understand me. More I cannot do – it is not within my reach, I hope it
was enough.

Still the current political roiling debates about end of life
conspiracies is at least annoying. Better the advice in Proverbs –“ to
everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under
Heaven, a time to be born and a time to die …” So why is the idea of
letting go when the time is appropriate so repugnant to most of our
society? We contend about living wills, DNR instructions, contracts
not concerned with feelings as much as cost potential and
probabilities of results – whatever they are in this context. I trust in
Becky’s judgment for my living will. She got me through my last episode
without letting the doctor’s “pull my plug”, supported me in my resistance to
being declared incompetent so I could emerge with a taint on my competence.
The she nursed me back ot health, emotionally and physically.

The societal paradoxes from Christians sure of Heaven but afraid to
die to relegating young lives into almost certain death in the service
of national pride or honor yet maudlin shows of lament and loss when
their young, smashed bodies are brought back, we seem to be unable to
come to grips with a standard, a finality of how much we value life,
depending on whose and the nature of dying.

Euphemisms abound, we have distorted our language concerning death with
phrases like “gone to rest,” ” joined his maker” “find repose, “ or terms like
euthanize, put down, put to sleep for a small creatures of our planet,
but eschew the word “death” as if it’s utterance is the fatal juju,
which brings an end.

As one who does recognize that he is in the zone, now subject to the
frailties brought by time, the susceptibilities to disease, and the
running out of luck, I find I am keenly aware of both the issues and
the paradoxes and I am more than willing to find my own niche of
comfort, away from the dialogues and concerns of society. Long ago I
learned how to “suck it up.” This is no different.

It’s politically correct

Watching two hours of Senator  Specter’s recent “town hall” meeting in
Lebanon  Pennsylvania, I realized that a new chapter in the protocol
of political correctness has been written which only applies to
elected officials holding “town Hall” meetings on health care.

In  the service of honoring our time  honored tradition of free
speech, elected officials must “suffer fools gladly” and permit any
and all grossly uninformed person to vent their anger and rage, scream
and shout obscenities, curses, threats, pointless questions or
distorted misinformed  opinions, all the while smiling  and treating
the questioners as if they are well informed, rational and raising
important, relevant issues for consideration. Thus, everyone from the
flat earth society to the alien abduction survivors will have their
legitimate political concerns given thoughtful consideration by the
Congress when voting on any health care legislation.

God save the Republic.

The Edge of Anarchy

Watching the recent orchestrated dustups to interrupt the attempts of Democratic legislators to conduct a discussion of pending bills with their constituents I am reminded of a piece of Republican illegal violence from the 2000 election, a full court press organized attack on the offices of the Registrar of Elections for Dade County Florida. Then in the process of conducting a recount of some 10,000 ballots in the Bush - Gore presidential election. The office was attacked by a mob of Republican thugs brought in to stop the recount, stop it at any cost. Then papered over and presented as a “grass roots” protest and called the “Brooks Brothers Riot” by a compliant press, we now know that the first ten protesters in the lead were all Republican staffers and employees of Republican congressmen or soon to become their employees. It permitted George Bush to frustrate the will of the people of Florida and with a compliant Florida bureaucracy, steal our electoral votes and the presidential election.

The current outrages occurring at the town hall meetings are no less sinister nor spontaneous; when the alleged grass roots protesters show up with hand printed talking points, distributed by insurance company lobbyists and Republican neo-cons, supposedly critical of legislation that has not yet been written. What is at risk here is a grave threat to the orderly process of democratic government.

The hand of Karl Rove, old “win at any cost” can be seen in the background together with such anti-governmental types as Dick Armey, Grover Norquist, whose announced objective is to reduce the Federal government to a size that he could “drown it in a bath tub”, and William Kristol, the smirking leader of the neo-cons, whose original claim to fame was that he was chief of staff to the Vice President who couldn’t spell potato. With the strong support of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, a matched pair of unscrupulous agitators - the so-called protests are thinly disguised riots, an attempt at anarchy to bring into disrepute the effects of our recent elections. Not content to abide by the will of the majority and the democratic process, an appeal to mob rule to reverse the results of the election and restore the secret power once exercised by the neo conservatives.

We should all be alert to the danger that the disruption of these meetings is not part of the orderly process of voicing dissent nor intended to inform the voters of the issues. Rather it is a dangerous attempt to shut down and stifle discourse and defeat the attempt of our elected officials to engage in a dialogue with their constituents. Make no mistake, this is not a protest solely concerning health care issues. It is a much more serious attempt to undermine our system of government.

Instant Total Gratification

One of the persistent viruses in the American psyche is the
expectation of instant, total gratification in virtually all aspects
of our culture. Whether it is disappointment with the slow success of
a military campaign or attacking the speed of governmental effort to
repair a problem in our economy, the expectation of instant, total
gratification lurks as a subliminal element of our ability to evaluate
a problem. Unless evidence of success is quickly and dramatically
apparent the tendency is to declare failure and urge abandonment of
the effort.

Critics of the stimulus bill pronounced it a failure despite the fact that
only 10% of the funds have been disbursed thus far and the original
expectations was that no dramatic changes could be expected for
12 to 18 months. Underlying this criticism is a neo-con desire to
disparage government efforts in order to weaken the administration,
without regard to whether their efforts damage the country or their
charge is well founded.

The expectation for instant, total gratification is, a by-product of the
seduction of the American consumer into gratifying their desire by
utilizing borrowing and easy credit to acquire commodities and goods
beyond their ability to pay. Everyone could acquire a big house, an
expensive car, a fancy wardrobe. Borrowing and credit cards the
path to instant, total gratification.

Why not then expect similar results from government ? And if such
results cannot be achieved, then those in charge must be doing
something wrong, some defect in the plan, the wrong direction,
otherwise success should have been achieved at once.

Although the unreasonableness of expectations in our private lives
has begun to
come into focus with mounting debt and foreclosures government
is still expected to achieve instantaneous solutions to large problems.

The Republican opposition is quick to declare failure, sometimes even
before a plan is implemented or fully developed. Prophets of doom
whose only concern is to create failure for the administration in
order to reacquire control of government, they point to the
fact that instant, total success has not been achieved as proof that
their efforts to frustrate the administration were both correct and
virtuous.

Until we reacquire the ability to withhold judgment until a reasonable
time has elapsed we will permit ourselves to be seduced by this
destructive kind of thinking.